I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the day after is always just damage control
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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