So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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