Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
