stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
