"it" just moved
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
