Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
