Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
