My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
