Girls should come with a carfax report
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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