69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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