I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They have beer where we have blood.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
