Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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