this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
