my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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