I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
