If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
