So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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