so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
