My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Only a mothe r could love this liver
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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