god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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