do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
