If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
