you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
