Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
