she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
