Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
