Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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