Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just threw up on my dentist
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
