So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
