Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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