And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
