so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
