It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
