Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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