You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
