Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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