You made me cry and you don't even care
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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