I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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