Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
