So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
