Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
