i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
