so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
