Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
