So gin and wine won't be happening again
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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