Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
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