His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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