VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't turn off my feet"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
