I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
