Soap is not a condiment
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
