In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
