I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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